Friday, March 23, 2018

Excerpts From A Ghost's Diary, Part 6

June 9, 2008
Hello diary, me again. Still drifting along, still trying to figure it all out. The more I see, the more complicated it all seems, to be honest. People have always confused and confounded me, and it’s no better now that I am dead.
As a ghost, I have the ability to be around people undetected. I can stand right next to them, in their most private moments, and just observe. I get to see all the things that people do when they think no one else can see or hear them. I watch them sing, and sometimes it's beautiful and sometimes it’s off key and jarring, but who cares? They seem so free and happy when they are singing.
I see them write all their dreams and feelings down, and then squirrel it away so no one can see. I see them act out scenes, I see them dance in an empty room. I see them try attempt to see if they are as flexible or coordinated as they used to be, and see bad cartwheels, and muscle cramps as yoga positions don’t work out anymore.
I see people creating things and trying out their talents and whims, and it is kind of inspiring. People are so much more than they let on to others. They have this whole hidden world inside them, and they would probably love to share it, but they just don’t have the nerve. If only they knew how alike and forgiving they all are, and if only I wasn’t a ghost and I could tell them.
At least know that the ghosts are enjoying it, and they think you’re great.

July 18, 2008
So one thing that never gets old is watching people fall down. Not in a way that they injure themselves, but just the inherit clumsiness we all have leftover from the transition to walking upright.
I see people stumble over nothing, try to do too much and get all tangled up, lose their footing on the ice, miss a step and go for a spill down the stairs. Honestly, it never gets old.
It strikes me how most people try to cover up their awkwardness. They pretend that they meant to do it, or jump up and hurry off and make like it never happened. People are so afraid to be human.
The really great thing is when the person that trips themselves up can laugh about it. There are few things as life affirming and joyous as people who can laugh at themselves. They are so comfortable in their own skin that they don’t get embarrassed about things that aren’t really that embarrassing in the first place. So you might as well laugh at yourself, and know that the ghosts are laughing with you.

September 6, 2008
One of the things you have time to do when you’re dead is go over all the decisions you made while you were alive, and second guess them. Not that you don’t spend most of your life doing the same thing, but when you’re dead, there’s no chance of going back and fixing them or making amends. When you’re alive, you can change course, you can repair the damage you’ve done. What you don’t want to do is spend your life caught in inaction, and throwing away the chance to control your own destiny, good or bad.
Eventually you just end up going in circles, and you get frozen. You lose trust in yourself, and you overthink even the simplest of choices. You get to the point where you are afraid to make a decision, so you sit there, like a mute statue until the moment passes you by.
As a ghost, I still get to make some decisions, but none of them really have much effect on me or the world around me. I can decide how I feel about something, but I can’t really talk to anyone about it. I can decide where I float or what I see, but it really doesn’t matter if I’m there or if I see it or not. I am completely ineffectual, and nothing I think really matters at all.
So if you are alive and reading this, make a decision, even if it might be the wrong one. Someday you will be just like me, impotent and drifting in the wind, lamenting the past, and making any decision will be of no consequence to anyone. Why be that now when you don’t have to be? You will have a whole eternity to curse the fact that you didn’t make a choice at all, and trust me, you will.

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