Monday, April 29, 2013

In Praise Of Older Women

It's always weird when I hear guys my age refer to a woman their own age as a MILF.  MILF implies that it's a woman in an age group or category that you wouldn't normally have sex with but you would make an exception for a particular one.  When you're pushing fifty it should be MIHF, as in Mom I Have to Fuck,  because you're no prize yourself and its' not like 20 year old girls are beating down your door to have sex with you.  It's odd that men use acronyms that demean women and somehow think it's a compliment.
Men have always felt entitled when it comes to women.  I’ve heard countless guys sitting around talking about women, be it someone they know or a movie star or model. They always say things like “I’d fuck her” or “She’s not that hot, but I wouldn’t kick her out of bed” in a tone that implies that they would be doing these woman a favor.  Do they really think they would have a chance with any of these women they’re talking about?  Do they think Angelina Jolie is sitting around waiting for the chance to have sex with some middle-aged, out of shape guy that spends his time talking to other guys about imaginary sex partners?  Forget Angelina, do they think some random woman they see in the supermarket would want to drop everything and hop into bed with them because they decide she’s good enough for him?  
I think men also believe that if a woman is older that she’s desperate enough to take what she can get, but I assume it’s the opposite.  Older women are not scrounging around for sexual bread crumbs, indiscriminately bedding down with any man pathetic enough to have her. When a woman is older she realizes that there are more important things in life than fulfilling men’s selfish fantasies.  In most cases I’ve found that people grow and change as they age, and their priorities change in regards to sex.  Well, women do anyway. 
If you have sex with an older woman and you’re not cutting it in the sack she won’t waste her time showing you what you’re doing wrong, she doesn’t have that kind of patience anymore.  If you’re a really hot, young, go all night kind of guy, then yeah, she’ll have the patience.  If you’re her age you’re expected to know what you’re doing and if you don’t … well, there’s a million more that look like you that do.  Older woman have shit going on in their lives and they don’t have time to waste on your sorry ass.  As much as you may think you’re doing her a favor, it’s really the other way around, trust me.
Don’t get me wrong, women my age enjoy some no strings sex also.  I always seem to notice that whenever one of these aging Lotharios go out with a woman for a fling, they are the ones that never seem to be able to handle it when it turns out to be just that.  They’re a mess when the woman doesn’t want something more, and the next thing you know they turn into borderline stalkers. 
Older women hold all the cards.  Nowadays they have even been marketed to younger guys as “cougars”.  Society has convinced young guys that they would really rather be sleeping with women twice their age than other twenty-somethings.  This, like everything else, is playing to men’s insecurities.  The whole cougar phenomenon is telling young guys that older women are desperate, a sure thing, prepared to do all kinds of wild and kinky stuff on the first date because they have to work harder just to get you to have sex with them.  That, of course, is ridiculous.  The only thing any woman has to do to have sex with any guy, regardless of age, is to let them. 
If you are a cougar, just remember: odds are that the younger guy is looking for you because he thinks you need him.  That means he is actually the one with the self-esteem problem, which means you are in the driver seat.  I think most older women understand this, and if they don’t and they’re reading this, then the cats out of the bag.
Personally, I would much rather go out with a woman my own age.  I have dated women 10, even 20 years my junior and it gets very old really quickly.  In most cases, I can sit and talk to a woman half my age for about twelve minutes before I want to stick a screwdriver through my eye and into my brain.  It’s nothing against them, but I cannot relate to their world anymore, nor can they relate to mine, and that’s how it should be.  If it were just sex and no talking that would be one thing, but I guess that would be prostitution.  Also, it wouldn’t be any fun. 
When you mature, you realize that sex isn’t only about just the physical aspect.  That part is still fun, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not the only part.  Sex that only consists of the physical act and only that gets old after awhile if that’s all you have.  Sure there are people from time to time where the sex is great, but just talking to them is like nails on a blackboard.  You can try to reconcile the two, but in the end no amount of great sex can sustain a relationship if you don’t like or respect who the person is. 
As a person gets older they come to realize that having someone you can trust, or that makes you feel comfortable and sexy with who you are is a much bigger part of the equation than just getting off.  It’s all a very tricky thing for most people, which is why I suppose there are so many people still out there looking for MILFs or cougars, or boy toys or whatever. 
Maybe it’s the labels that get us into these messes in the first place.  Keep in mind, the term “older woman” is a relative term, it can mean just about anything depending on the age of the person using it.  To a 20 year old, it could mean a 32 year old woman, to a 30 year old it could mean a 36 year old woman.  To a 40 year old, it could mean a 41 year old woman. I notice that the older a guy gets the smaller the age difference he’s willing to put up with, another relative aspect.  A big part of it is that the older a guy gets the less he wants to be reminded of the fact that he’s old, I guess. 
It’s ridiculous of course.  To think that going out with a woman that’s older than you are makes you old is to ignore all the things that actually mean you’re old.  Losing your hair, your physique, dribbling when you pee, etc means you’re getting old, not dating a woman that’s your senior.
Senior.  There’s a word nobody wants to deal with, so lets just ignore that for now.
It’s even more ridiculous to think that going out with a younger woman will make you feel young.  If you really want to feel old, try going out with and keeping up with a young girl.   
I just think people for the most part would be happier dating in their own age group, if they’re serious about it. If you are attracted to an older woman that’s fine, if you are attracted to older women, you might have some esteem issues.
Of course, you can all do whatever you want.  I think we’re all just a bunch of psychotic apes that are hurtling through life with no idea what we’re doing or why we’re doing it.  We should just take care to try not to hurt the other apes feelings along the way.

© 2013 David Ferraris